The First Forty Days Diary (Day 2-3)

I’m back checking in on my The First Forty Days Diary.

I enjoyed some more yummy omelets, delicious bone broth soups, and red raspberry leaf tea.

My husband and I actually got to spend some nice time together watching a movie with baby in my arms after everyone went to bed.

We had another fantastic day of bed rest and cuddles. Night two went smoother as baby is getting more adjusted to life outside the womb.

Today I have felt extreme gratitude for this sweet period of time. As my eldest child tidied up my room, me second eldest held the baby while I took a nice warm shower, watching my mother in law care for the older children, and my husband bringing me company and tea.. I found myself thinking.. why have we stopped caring for mothers like this??

Today I want to talk about why the postpartum mother deserves to be cared for..

I’ve struggled with this myself actually. In today’s world supporting mothers postpartum is something no longer taken seriously. In other cultures and in previous generations people highly valued mothers. They understood the significance mothers had in society. I mean think about it, without mothers we wouldn’t even have a society.

Villages had respect for the mother. Especially postpartum. New mothers were surrounded by love and support. They were fed nourishing meals, given rejuvenating baths, massages, and help with other children. Amongst so much more.

What changed?

Well in today’s world, families no longer value generational family living. When someone turns 18 they move out or head off to college probably in a different state. That or brand new families move far away all together. Leaving their support system behind.

And I get it. Grandparents, aunts, cousins may not be as supportive compared to the past when people lived closely in villages. It could be because lifestyles are so different now.

In modern society people go off to focus on careers and become overly busy. Back then grandma was always home. Today grandmas are still working on their careers outside the home.

Unfortunately, families have been so caught up in fast paced life. The nuclear family became the new thing.

But the problem is

We were never meant to do it alone.

Parents wonder why parenting has become so difficult.

It’s because it’s being done all on our own. When it was meant to be done in a village surrounded by extended family members.

How does this affect the postpartum mother?

Well simply put, in such a tender and vulnerable time, she no longer has the support she deserves.

In traditional Chinese medicine it is believed that after a woman births she’s more “open” and loses warmth. Making her susceptible to emotional and physical stress. This is why it’s important to eat warm foods, keep warm clothes, and avoid cold drafts. When the body is not kept warm blood flow moves slower to the uterus, which slows the release of blood that needs to be shed as the uterus is trying to return to its normal size and position.

How to get over the guilt?

It is also said that investing in the first 40 days is investing in the future life and health of the mother.

It is believed that rushing through this tender time can lead to future period problems, lower back pain, endometriosis, and a difficult menopausal period.

During this open vulnerable stage women are more susceptible to emotional stress and even depression down the line.

So investing time to support the new mother is not only helping her heal properly but it’s also going to help her entire family. She will be a better mother.

And mothers are needed to raise good humans and a better society.

Remember you are not running away to party or abandoning the home to spend time alone somewhere.

You’re not taking advantage. This is the natural cycle that needs to happen.

Your family and home count on your ability to give.

It’s an investment that we can’t look past.

Your cup needs to be filled so you have something to pour from.

Ask for help

It’s okay to ask for help. To ask someone to help you start a meal train. To ask for help with the older kids. For help to do some laundry or the dishes.

My own experience

Although I am on my 5th child and I began learning the significance of the postpartum period before birthing my 3rd child, I have also ran into the feeling of guilt. And honestly still do.

We don’t have any family in the state we live in. However my mother in law has been supporting our family and flying to us as we’ve welcomed the last 3 babies.

I feel bad sometimes because she stays with us for so long. Sometimes the entire forty days or even longer especially after a complicated postpartum recovery that I’ve experienced in the past.

It’s much harder when all the support lands on just one person. Which brings us back to the importance of having a village.

We are much closer to my husbands side of the family so I also carry the guilt that my side isn’t here.

I don’t feel any sort of bitterness towards anyone, but I feel guilty at times.

It’s difficult being aware of how important this recovery period is while also feeling bad that I want it and need it.

Thankfully my mother in law is understanding and truly wants to care and help us when we need it.

I also run into guilt because I see how not normal this is anymore.

How nobody really has this support anymore.

So it elevates my feelings of asking for too much. Since no one else has or had it.

But I’m putting a stop to this broken cycle.

I am so blessed to have learned so much. And that my mother in law and husband understood it so well.

Maybe I can’t change our culture overnight, but I can change the culture of my own family.

One day I hope my daughters know they never have to earn rest after bringing a baby into the world. I hope they’ll know they’re worthy of being cared for. And if God allows it, I pray I can care for them the way my mother-in-law has cared for me.

(That applies to my sons wife too 🤍)

Whether you’re an expecting mother or a postpartum mother, here are some practical things you can do: